Lost a Friend

I lost a friend on September 12th. Damian and I were neighbors, his parents sent him to a private school for smart people and I went to the public high school for the area. We had very little in common but would spend hours, late into the night, leaning on my garage door and talking about the future and what we wanted out of life. I had no direction, or rather my only direction was stardom in Hollywood, and he was driven to succeed. I watched as he went to college right after high school and I played. We hung out while he was at UCLA and that is partly the reason why I eventually went there. We stayed in touch when he went off to get his masters degree in Virginia. I even visited him there.

Never in my life had I encountered someone so focused and sure of himself. Failure was not an option for him. He wanted it all. After he finished at UVA he went on to UC Davis for medical school. By then we had lost touch. He always used to say it would be me who kept our friendship alive. I am not sure where I was in my life that I stopped persuing that friendship so I can't say there was any really good reason for it, but I so incredibly regret it now.

He was one of the only people in my life that made me feel like I could do anything too. He never seemed to question whether or not I would succeed. He was always teasing me about my choices though. Laughing at my stories of late night partying with the Hollywood crowd, but always asking me what I wanted out of life. 

I know he got what he wanted. Married with two handsome boys, a successful anesthesiologist going to become chief of anesthesology and an avid triathlete. We reconnected through facebook but never really talked. I watched for his posts and followed anonymously with hundreds of others when his kids were born. I feel his loss so much more now because of my own kids and my thoughts continually turn to his wife and how she must be struggling to keep things together for their kids. How do you explain to 2 toddlers who constantly ask "where is daddy," that he isn't coming back, only to have to explain it again tomorrow when they repeat the question. My heart breaks everytime I think about it.

So Damian, thank you so much for you friendship and guidance all those years ago. I hope you knew how much your friendship meant to me. I will miss your sense of humor, your passion to succeed and the subtle way you would cajole me into doing the right thing.

The big D and I.

He is teasing me for sticking my boobs out for the picture. I kept telling him I was just standing up straight and putting my shoulders back! I miss you big Daddy!

Damian J. Horstman
1972-2012