Newtown Tragedy

I have been debating making any kind of statement about the shooting massacre in Newtown. Afterall, who am I and why does my opinion even matter. I have always wanted this blog to be about happy things, the good times. To eventually turn each year into a book to give to Maxwell and now Isabel when they are grown up. To have them relive in some small way, the love we have had for them since the beginning.

I just can't get the victims out of my head. I keep thinking somewhere are parents just like us grieving for a lost child and it breaks my heart. Everytime I turn on the radio I hear more and I cry myself to work, or the grocery store. What a senseless tragedy. I watched online, like watching a train wreck, as more and more information was relayed. I couldn't look away. Parenthood certainly changes the way a person views the world. I have always mourned when I heard or read about some horrific incident involving children. How, how can anyone think that it is okay to hurt or kill a child? A completely innocent human being.  

They are talking alot about mental illness now. The lack of support. Where was the intervention? How did his parents not see it escalating? As a person who once suffered being bi-polar and did not get the help I needed early on, I can understand a little. It is hard to admit that there might be something wrong with the person you created. To acknowledge that they need help. It does not make the parents, bad parents, it just means your child needs help. Help that you may not be able to give or even know how to give.

I know the warning signs. I lived them for 12 long years before I sought help for myself. I will not let my children suffer the way I did. I was never a danger to anyone else, only to myself. Looking at the faces of my children, I thank God everyday for not letting me make a stupid decision that would have made having them impossible. Amazingly, almost unbelievably, my pregnancy with Maxwell, "fixed" my chemical imbalance. I have not been nor have I needed to be medicated since I found out I was pregnant with him. A true blessing. I can not thank him enough. 

I have cried everyday, sometimes multiple times, for the loss of those children. For the adults who sacrificed themselves to insure the safety of the suvivors. I don't know how I would handle the loss of one of my children. How does anyone? It isn't something that we think about and why should we? We should be vigilant, but stay focused on the task at hand and pray. Pray that it never happens again. Pray that the laymakers see this as a sign. Pray that all of our children will grow up to live life to the fullest and accomplish all of their hopes and dreams. 

I have experienced a lot of loss in the last couple of years. A sad product of aging. My father recently had a heartattack. I know everything must eventually come to an end, but if we could just let the little ones have a beginning first. That is all I ask. I just can't get them out of my mind...