A Booboo

So I just have to say how hard it is sometimes to be a parent. Terry and I try really hard to let Max have a little independence. Especially while we are out and about. I struggle with letting him walk around and discover things on his own. I give him some space, usually about 5 or 10 feet. Sometimes more if I think he is walking well, cause he still wobbles.

So the other day we were out for our morning walk and I gave him a pretty large berth. He was doing really well walking on grass and concrete. It was the asphalt that gave him such a hard time. I was about 15 feet away and he was doing fine until he mistepped and fell. First to his kness, then onto his hands, then sure enough, he tasted pavement.

It really isn't that bad of a booboo. I think he was more shocked then anything else. There was even some superficial scratches on his upper lip. They have already gone away. He started crying right away and my heart just broke.

Was I a horrible mother for letting it happen?

Should I have been right on top of him and caught him before he even teetered over?

How is he ever going to gain a sense of independence if I am always right there to help him?

I am sure that every mother asks themselves these questions and suffers through the results, good or bad. Why do these things have to be so difficult? I have visions all of the time about him falling down the stairs, on the sidewalk, off of his cars while playing and far worse. It is hard sometimes to sleep at night with the way my mind hurtles these horrible images at me.

His nose is looking better everyday. My heart breaks thinking that I can not be there to protect him from everything that will ever happen to him. Deep down I know I am doing the right thing and nobody ever said it was going to be easy. In fact many people have told me how hard it would be. I am only now understanding to what degree they were talking about.

What a great journey this is going to be!